Saturday, 8 June 2013


Brain
“Brain to Eyes, focus ASAP on man in green boat.”

Eyes
“Am focusing ASAP on man in green boat.  Subject disappearing round bend in river, over.”

Brain
“Sod it! Legs start running along embankment.”

Legs
“WHAAT? Please repeat.”

Brain
"It's very simple, Legs, please start running along the embankment."

Legs
"Are you out of your head? We haven't gone faster than a stroll in years."
                                                                                             Brain
"I repeat, legs start running - this is a Red alert."

Inner Ear
“Brain, why are we going round in circles?  I’m getting dizzy.”

Right Leg
“It’s Left Leg, I'm doing all the work as usual, the lazy bastard.”

Left Leg
“I can’t help it if I’m delicate. Oh why does no-one understand me?”
                                                           Brain
"Stop squabbling you two, this is an emergency!"
                                                          
                                                           Lungs
"Lungs to Brain, what the fuck's happening?"

                                                           Brain
"I wondered when you’d start moaning. If you must know, we are, what is technically known, as ‘running’."

Lungs
“At our age? You must be mad. How do you expect me to distribute all that oxygen? By airmail?"

Brain
"I’m sorry Lungs, but this is a Red Alert."

Lungs
"I don't care what colour it is, I won't be seen panting like this, it's demeaning."

                                               Left Ankle
"Left Ankle to Brain, have twisted, have twisted."

Brain
"Oh for Christ's sake! Now hear this, now hear this:
Emergency, Emergency! All leave is cancelled until further notice. Right leg start hopping up and down.
Speech Mechanism please shout: "Shit, buggar, bum, bollocks!”
Tear Ducts please supply two fluid ounces, let me know if you need any salt.
And finally Pain Centre - I want a sharp shooter now, a throb for half an hour and a dull ache for a fortnight!
You’re all behaving like geriatric prima donnas. All I wanted was a simple fifty yard run it's not a lot to ask. I have to tell you that I'm very, very disappointed."

 

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